Decisions
I stood at the top of the bright yellow tube slide at the Sholem Aquatic
Center biting my nails. I stared down into the dark entrance of the slide,
watching the water rushing into the slide. My dad stood next to me and I looked
up at him with a worried face. “I don’t know,” I said. “I’m scared.” My six
year old self was struggling with an internal battle. On the one hand going
down the tube slide would be so cool and I would be happy when I had
accomplished my goal. On the other hand the slide was dark and closed-off and
anything could happen in there when I was alone. I stayed at the top of the
tube slide for at least 30 minutes just standing there and shivering trying to
make a decision.
Finally, I let go of the metal bar at the top of the slide and tumbled
down, water rushing around me. All summer I had wanted to go down the slide but
I could not decide if I wanted to our not. I ended up going down the slide on
the last day the pool was open and waited until the final hour before the pool
closed. Once I came out of the slide and landed in the pool I realized that I
was literally worrying about nothing and the slide was actually not scary at
all. But I took so long deciding that I almost missed my chance to go down the
tube slide. If I had decided not to go down the slide I would have had to wait
until next summer to have my chance again.
If you haven’t figured it out by now, I’m terrible at making decisions.
I’m so bad at making decisions that when I decide on something quickly,
everyone is surprised, including me. When I was younger I couldn’t make any
decisions and even now I still struggle with making decisions. For example, a
few nights ago I was trying to decide between two prom dresses. Yet after
trying both of them on multiple times I still couldn’t decide which one I
wanted. Every time I tried to make a decision doubts flood my head. What if I
pick the wrong one? What if I end up wishing I had chosen the other dress? What
if I ended up picking the uglier dress? All of these doubts end up preventing me
from making a decision.
I think I have such a hard time making a decision because I’m so worried
that I’ll end up making the wrong decision. And if I make the wrong decision
something bad could happen. I could end up choosing something that I regret. So
instead of going with my instincts or my gut feeling I spend hours debating my
options. I talk to my parents and my friends in hopes they will know what to do
or maybe they will even make the decision for me. My mom got so annoyed at my
inability to make decisions that she got me a pen that functions like an 8-ball
so I could ask the pen what I should do. When I press the bottom of the pen it
gives an answer like “dude, no way” or “without a doubt”.
Sometimes my careful calculations of options can be beneficial. I think
everything through and I never really make rash decisions that I immediately
regret. But mostly it’s just detrimental. When I can’t make a decision it makes
me stressed and sometimes I can’t sleep because I’m thinking too much about
what I should do. I overreact to small decisions I have to make and I overthink
them way too much. Sometimes I wish that my eight ball pen could actually just
make all the decisions for me.
I really enjoyed the light and humorous tone in this essay and I appreciate how honest you are. I used to also be super indecisive myself, until I started asking myself, how much would this decision affect me, say, tomorrow, or a month or a year from now? Looking at the bigger picture puts things into perspective for me and understanding the in/significance of the situation at hand usually helps me make a decision. Barbeque or salt and vinegar chips? I’ll just pick one, and the next time I want to get chips, I’ll pick the other flavor. If it’s a bigger decision, I’ll spend a moment trying to convince myself that one option is better, then try it again with the other option. Whichever one that I am most convinced of, I’ll go with that, and I try not to look back so I don’t regret my decision, and even if I do regret it, I’ll try to find the positive sides of those things I regret. Chips flavors was not a good example, but I’m happy you chose to go down the slides!
ReplyDeleteI like how (I'm sure there's a better word to use here but whatever) "vulnerable" you were in this essay. You weren't afraid to tell the reader what's really going on in your mind when you're making a tough decision. Details like this are important in connecting with the reader. I also liked reading the bits of humor and the imagery you used throughout. My favorite sentence was, "My six year old self was struggling with an internal battle". I actually imagined a six-year-old version of Anika pacing back and forth at the top of a water slide making people in line mad. All in all, good job.
ReplyDeleteI like how you started off the essay with a personal story because it helped to draw the reader in. It was cool how you didn't actually find out what the essay was about until the third paragraph because that unique formatting makes it more interesting to read. I also like you you were able to include a lot of different stories, all showing how bad you are at making decisions.
ReplyDeleteHey Anika! I really enjoyed reading this essay and hearing your internal struggle with making decisions (I still remember you telling me that being indecisive was something you were worried about as a subbie haha). As a person who is also super indecisive I was very easily able to relate to your examples. You also had a great balance between narration and reflection, which made the tone really personable. My only suggestion would be to highlight a bit more how indecisiveness impacts your life and how you work to be more decisive. Good luck and good job!
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